Part of the adoption process had us taking classes or watching videos on how to adapt in being a multi-racial family. There were all kinds of scenarios of what "might" happen, and then the question..."what would you do?" Well, up to this point I haven't really encountered rude, inconsiderate people. Everyone seems curious and accepting and are definitely drawn by my son's adorable smile. Well, that was until today. I found myself heartbroken. Scott, Yonni, and I were eating lunch today at a chick-fil-a and while Scott was getting our food I took Yonni into the play area. There were no other adults in there and quite a few kids, so I kept an eye on Yonni and watched as he started to climb the tree thing that would eventually lead to the slide. Then out of nowhere, a little kid who was maybe 4 or 5 started yelling at Y...saying, "I DON'T LIKE YOU, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED ON HERE, I DON'T LIKE YOU!!" He continued to yell this over and over at Y and I immediately told him that was not a very nice thing to say and Y was infact allowed to play on that, just like the rest of the kids. Then he stuck his tongue out at me and kept yelling at Yonni. Then he tried to block off one of the stairs. At this point I'm trying to explain to this kid that anyone is allowed to play here, just wishing that this kids mom would show up so I could tell her a word or two. He left to play on something else and Yonni made it to the slide and thought it was awesome and seemed clueless that this kid was even yelling at him. So we go sit with Scott and eat lunch and told Scott what happened and then I just felt stinging tears swim to my eyes. I was so mad that anyone would treat MY precious child like that, especially when there were many other children playing in there. It made me wonder, was it really because my sweet little Yonni was brown that made this child react that way??? I know that I'll never know if that's why, but still...my heart was breaking. After we got done eating, we noticed who this kids mom was. She actually was sitting right outside of the play area, right next to where I was talking to this kid. At no point did she come over to see if everything was ok or not. That made me more mad. Wouldn't you wonder what was going on if some strange woman was talking pretty sternly to your son?? Anyway, at that point I said nothing to her. Now I'm regretting that. Ugh, I don't really even know where I'm going with this...my brain isn't really forming full thoughts at the moment...so I guess that's that. It just made me so mad!
~Ciao
6 comments:
You would hope that people would reprimand their children for such things...but I've found that quite often the opposite is true. Poor Yonaton...poor mom! I'm sorry that you had to go through that.:(
i can hardly handle being in those play areas. i'm not surprised that boy was such a jerk, he's clearly not being supervised by his mother (and i can't believe she didn't even care that you were talking to her kid)...
there really should be some sort of required parenting classes to get your baby out of the nursery at the hospital.
:(
I know where you are going with this (1) you need to VENT and that's part of what blogging is (2) you need to inform those of us still in the "honeymoon" phase that this can and likely WILL happen and (3) you need to find ways/ strategies to protect Yonni from hurtful comments like this in the future.
I think you need to have a "script" worked out ahead of time, and keep to that script because you don't want to be rude to the parent/child in turn.
What you said to the child was 100% appropriate...you reiterated that ANYONE can play there and what he was saying was not nice. You then need to (in future, not criticizing you for this incident) find the parent, even if it means addressing the entire room "exuse me, but who is the parent of the little boy in the blue & red shirt??" and let them know that their child is saying hurtful things and you KNOW this is not how the child was raised and you just wanted to bring it to their attention.
This should sufficient embarass the parent and hopefully open up a dialogue between the parent and child, or maybe between you and the parent.
Bottom line: not everyone is going to raise their children as we would. But you need to address rude/hurtful behavior when it happens and let people know it is unacceptable to address your child or ANY child that way.
So sorry for your experience...I fear that first time that while M is playing with someone she faces her first negative experience (and because of human nature, it's bound to happen sooner or later).
I agree with Meg...all the training we go through as adoptive parents, it should be required of ALL parents.
oh, I am not looking forward to that day.....I will be a mess
Well - it could have just been a bratty kid --- and nothing to do with the color! If that kid would have done that to my child I would have reacted exactly the same way! You're doing great and that child will have problems acting like that in life!
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